this is not a coming out post.

I like men.
I have always liked them, even since I was a kid.
I can't explain it, and it isn't necessarily sexual.
I am just attracted to boys.
That is the way it is.

But, recently I have discovered a part of myself that I had not really recognized before.
And I know that love exists in all shapes and sizes.
I have never been in love before.
Not with anyone of any gender, race or the like.
I don't plan on falling in love anytime soon, but I know that I am capable of love.
And I now know that I am not only capable of love for men.

I don't know how to explain this right.
But I guess it's like, if I met someone who I knew was the one, man or woman, why would it matter what gender he or she is?
Because I would love this person no matter what.
And I feel like it would be okay for me to fall in love with someone of the same gender as me.
So I wouldn't call myself straight, gay, lesbian or bisexual.
I would call myself human.
Can I do that?

Love is not a choice.
And I will love who I love, regardless of gender.

There is no closet, and I was never in it.
I just felt like it was necessary to talk about this.
Er, write about it.

stop pretending that everything is beautiful

Regardless of what people will tell you, your flaws do not necessarily make you beautiful.
They don't make you unique, and your imperfection is not perfect.
All that your mistakes do is make you human.
Without them all you are is a lovely little idiot chasing sunsets.
Never learning, never growing, never becoming the person you dream of becoming.
People often mistake being human for being beautiful.
It is an existence, not a sentiment.
You are going to screw up.
Take that and create the person that you want to be.
Be honest with yourself and be realistic. Not everything is lovely. Not everything can be pretty.
But don't cry and beat yourself up either.
Grow.

okay now stop asking.

"A sketchbook is a journal. It contains that which words cannot. An unspeakable truth. An un-recordable scripture."

I wrote that over two years ago in my first sketchbook ever.
I just found the page and I hardly remember writing that, but oh, how the words still strike.

I can hardly find the words that convey how strongly I feel about this, but it seems to be something that many people do not understand.
My sketchbook is not just a place that I go to when I feel like doodling sometimes.
It is a place that I go to when I need peace. I release every emotion I have into the thing, from happiness to frustration.
I write in it as well, making it a journal in the realest sense of the word.
There are many reasons that I keep my sketchbook private.
One of the reasons is what I have already written; it is a deep expression of emotion.
It is laden with secrets.
Another reason is that, quite frankly, some of the stuff I put in there really sucks. I keep my bad art decisions in my sketchbook to remind myself that mistakes happen and we learn from them.
So the next time someone asks me if they can go through my sketchbook I am going to say no. Straight up, no.
I put most of the stuff that I don't mind people seeing on the internet anyway, so what's the point?

In this post I attempt to convince you to like my least favorite genre of music.

One of the many misconceptions that I have found people make when it comes to music taste
is that those who write, produce, perform and listen to pop and hip hop music are unintelligent or don't know what real music is.
Because the music generally has heavy undertones of sex, alcoholism, drug abuse or is directed toward young audiences it is automatically considered "bad" music.
In reality the people who play a part in creating pop music are all extremely intelligent.
They create a catchy, simple lyric/melody combination and this is the kind of music that catches peoples attention.
There is a reason this industry is so successful.
I myself don't listen to this type of music often, but there was a time in my life when I did.
These people know their target audience and they know how to make money.
One of the reasons people so quickly dismiss this music genre is because there is rarely any lyrical depth.
There is a time and a place for lyrical depth and there is also a time and a place for lyrical simplicity.
Pop music is not created to bring a deeper meaning to the world or make people ponder.
This music is made to make people dance and sing, and it is very good at doing this.
I listen to a large arrangement of music and while pop isn't often a part of my listening sessions, there are times when I just want to dance around like an idiot to Beyoncé.
Congrats for knowing fifty different amazing indie bands and wow I can't believe you have time to listen to all of the classics.
But next time you try to write off pop music, just know that we ALL know that you sing Rihanna in your shower.